One morning as I was sitting upon my rooftop (as this is my daily morning routine, followed by a few ditties on my lute, a quick bowl of Marshmallow Mateys, and a thorough sponge bath) I spotted what appeared to be a walrus playing a piccolo while riding a unicycle (as this is a daily happening on my street). Upon closer examination, however, I realized that it was actually a walrus playing a lute and riding a unicycle. Realizing that we had something in common (aside from our admirably smooth heads and wondrous tusks), we bound together to make sweet, sweet lute music.
Now, don’t ask me how it is possible that this walrus held onto his lute, but you must believe me when I say the said events did occur. In due time we were touring with Bon Jovi and breaking the young ladies hearts left and right. There was, however, one ladies heart that we didn’t break; some might refer to her as Heidi Beth, but I simply like to call her Best Groupie EVAH (BGE).
Of course Heidi came to all the shows and made sure our trusty mid-70’s Volkswagon FunMobile (always driven by Otis, for walruses are unpredictable behind the wheel) was kept with a fresh supply of Boca Burgers, krill, clams, and most importantly, Tab estrogen drink. She was our compass, our bedtime story reader, our toenail clipper, and our foot massager. One must ask themself, does life get any better than this?
“Uh…does life get any better than this?”
So rain or shine, snow or sleet or raining cats or cows, Heidi Beth stocked the Tab and massaged our egos. She brought sunshine to an otherwise creepy Volkswagon FunMobile driven by an Otis and his companion, Walrus (who shall rename nameless for privacy purposes). You can imagine the heartbreak when the band broke up in 1998 and little Heidi was out of a job, while Otis was out of a lifestyle. Fortunately Heidi Beth found work at the Tastee Freeze, and Otis followed his lifelong dream of being a Disney character. Neither thought they’d ever see the living bajayzus of eachother evah again.
Fast forward to a winter morning in two-thousand and six when I was sitting upon my rooftop playing my lute and drinking my quadruple Venti Latte and watching Oprah. While rubbing the morning dew from my eyes, I spotted what I thought was a walrus playing a piccolo while riding a unicycle, but upon replacing my spectacles realized that it was actually my former groupie, Heidi Beth, prancing through the snow!
[Insert excitement here.]
After a jubilant reuniting, we got right down to business with some serious snappage occuring in the streets of the Magic City. It turns out that all of those years working at the Tastee Freeze have really turned Heidi supah warm-blooded, and she spends most of her days frolicking in traffic and eating the sweet nectar of the snowflake.
Love to Heidi Beth for teaming up with O&J again for round deuce of her ultrasupersweetsweet senior photographs! She truly is a chocolate-covered dream. Without further tales of lute-playing walruses, Tab estrogen drink, or any of the above bologna – Enjoy!
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