April 2007 – Otis & James Photography

GABO v.19 :: The LJ & Reba Finale Edition!

I’m sure all of you out there in the WoB know Little Jesse and Becca, nephew and sister of the great Queen James, Snapmaster Extraordinaire. But do you know their alter egos LJ and Reba? The mother/son dynamic crimefighting duo? That’s right, wherever there is milk spilled, toddler missing, or babysitting needed… no toy goes unturned with LJ and Reba. They are superheroes of the finest order. How do I know this? Well, it seems like it was just yesterday…

I was in the CFATB [Center For All Things Blog] one day, chatting with Old Man Otis. Nothing too exciting was happening that day, besides Kinzo bursting into flames and the Queen practicing karate chops in the hallway. Normal. Oridinary. The Old Man and I were about to put on our matching crocs and go for lunch when horror struck. Anyone who is anyone knows that the official robot of Otis & James, Orlace Hanes, has an arch enemy named Photis Lames. So, in his never-ending pursuit to destroy Orlace, Photis sent a legion of deadly microbots to attack us.

Otis screamed like a little girl. “Help me Orlace!” he cried.

Orlace Hanes powered up. “NOT ON MY WATCH,” he declared. His rocket boosters kicked in as he took off toward the microbots. Arlace Janes, his girlfriend, also took off to assist her man.

CRACK.

SIZZLE.

POP.

Orlace and Arlace were on the ground smoking before you could say… something people say very fast. “What are we going to do?” Otis said between sobs. “Our security team has been destroyed!” There was a flash of light and a poof of smoke. There in the doorway stood LJ AND REBA in their matching black leather outfits.

“You’re going down microbots!” yelled Reba. She took off her cape and in one swift maneuver trapped all the flying microbots inside it. She then bashed it against the floor so LJ could run his trucks over them.

“HAULT,” said Photis as he made his way into th CFATB.

“Go son!” said Reba. “I’ll take care of these microbots, but you have to go save Uncle Otis from Photis Lames!” LJ took off toward Photis with stunning speed. He did a scissor kick in the air which sent Photis crashing against the wall.

“BUBYE,” said LJ as he threw a bottle of water at Mr. Lames, causing him to short circuit and explode. The world was safe another day, thanks to the heroics of the unstoppable LJ & Reba! We had them stop by recently to thank them for all their hard work, so here’s a sweet taste of the greatness that is LJ & Reba, Enjoy!

GABO v.17 :: The Andrew Wayne Edition!

[WARNING: THE NEXT BLOG POST IS NOT RECOMMENDED FOR ALL BLOGGERITES DUE TO AWESOMENESS/EXTRAORDINARINESS/SHAZAAMNESS/ AND IT MAY POP YOUR EYEBALLS OUT OF YOUR HEAD LIKE IN THE CARTOONS WHICH CAN CAUSE DIZZINESS, HEADACHE AND DRY MOUTH].

Hey it’s me, Old Man Otis! Just kidding! Did I scare you? Were you afraid you’d have to put up with another one of “those” posts? No, no, no my friends! It’s still me, Milo! There is still fun and laughter in the Kingdom of Blog [KoV]. I shall keep reigning with cheer and compassion. Dictator Otis has been locked away in his cage for the evening and won’t be released until Thursday. I think that this calls for celebration! And who better to celebrate it with than Andrew Wayne?

He transcends generations. He is like that slice of pie that everyone wants a bite of. (Seriously, I saw a little boy try to eat Andy’s ankle once… it scared me). When someone tells me to think “happy thoughts,” I automatically think of robots, granny panties, mallard ducks, lightsabers, luke warm water and Andy. It’s just how my mind works. Andy is the white to my trash, the guitar to my hero, the Mrs. to my Freeman, the Count to my Chocula, the robot to my engineering, the Otis to my James, the couch to my potato, the patio to my furniture, the slam to my dunk, the yo’ to my mama, the Chris to my Brown, the thunder to my storm, the high to my lighter, the baseball to my card, the diet to my coke, the poison to my ivy, the fun to my house, the… kitchen to my sink! Get the picture?

I’ve seen grown men fight for Andy; I’ve seen girls try to put him on keychain (why? I’m not sure… seems like a very awkward and heavy thing to attach to your keys, but whatevs). My point is this: Andy could go anywhere in the world for his photographs, but he came to us. Thank you, Andy, for choosing Otis & James for your official senior pictures. We hope to see you in the future for all your photo needs (engagement, wedding, pregnancy). So long world, and enjoy these pictures on your way out (PS Andy, your sister said you left the toilet seat up).

Enjoy!

GABO v.16 :: The Family (To Be) Buchanan Edition!

Shush! All of you! Stop being so excited about this blog post! I know how thrilling it can be to bear witness to the greatness that is the Buchanan, but this is ridiculous! You there! Stop yelling “I love Kacie!’ And you! I command you to stop oogling over Scott! Hey… the bloggerite in pink! Don’t feed the cat your steaks! He’s named Fat Al for a reason! Goodness gracious, all of you out in BlogLand should be ashamed of yourselves! No one’s gotten this out of control since we took pictures of my beautiful biceps… we had so much traffic on the website that we shut it down for a whole week, but that’s beside the point!

(Awkward pause while you all settle down)

1.5

1.2 and six eighths

Are we ready? Good.

For those of you that don’t know, the gorgeous Kacie and I were married in a past life. It’s true. Scott, if you’re reading this, please don’t be jealous, we can’t help it, we have a special bond.

Anyways, in our past life she was the elusive Veronica Vickerson. I was the energetic billion dollar boy Deuce McGubbon. Veronica (Kacie) was one of the executives for my largest competitor. At first, I despised her. Every business deal I lost, or government contract my company didn’t receive, I blamed her for. She was so smart, so devilishly good-looking. I couldn’t stand it! I gave her the nickname “Veronica the Vindictive.” Coincidentally, a new restaurant had opened up near both of our towering skyscrapers, and became a local favorite. Every single day we would sit at opposite sides of the dining hall, scowling at each other, grunting with distaste. Now, one day it got a little out of hand. As I recall, it was a Tuesday, in midst of the busy noon lunch hour. I was seated in my usual spot, enjoying a lightly marinated chicken breast with wild rice. Of course Veronica was also there, in a scantily clad outfit that caused every man in the restaurant to go “ga-ga.” I could tell she was staring at me, but I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of even looking in her general direction. Minutes passed, when suddenly I was struck in the head by a crusty baguette.

“How dare you!” I said sternly as I picked up a handful of rice. “I’ve never like you!”

I remember it all happening in slow motion. The ball of loose rice sailed through the air, leaving a trail as it went, and hitting Kacie, I mean Veronica, right in the belly.

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” she screamed. “What is wrong with you?! Help! Police! He’s gone mad! Deuce… Deuce… Deuce’s wild!”

(Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha).

Back to the story —

“I’m not wild Ms. Vickerson! You threw that crusty baguette right at my head!”

“So? I always thought you were a little crusty!”

We then each picked up a butter knife and went for each other.

“To the death then!” I exclaimed.

“Yes,” said Veronica, “yours!”

In retrospect, being the business people that we were, we didn’t make such good “knife-fighters.” We were both very uncoordinated and while we tore the restaurant apart fighting each other, we never actually made contact with the other (rumor has it a filet mignon was injured though and never made it to someone’s mouth… sad). In the end we were both escorted to jail, and later convicted of disturbing the peace and a lot of other legal hub-ub. We spent the next 62 months in a correctional facility. One day at lunch I threw up all over myself, Veronica laughed so hard snot came out of her nose and we’ve been inseparable ever since.

Okay, I guess not “ever since.” In this new life we were estranged for a while, and she married this Scott fellow and is seemingly happy. Heck, she’s having his kid. Sad, but I’ll get over it, because we shall forever be soulmates. Here is the proof that she’s having a baby that is not mine… Baby Buchs I like to call it. Well, better luck next lifetime I guess…. but Enjoy!

GABO v.15 :: The Catalina Edition!

Ladies & Gents of Blog! Gather ’round! For I am about to unload some of the sweetest photographic goodness that we have ever had the good fortune of bestowing our eyes (and I’m not even sure that one can bestow their eyes, but I’m going to go with it, and there is nothing that any of you can say or do that will sway me from trying to do so…that’s how completely and totally excited about this post that I am) upon. Are you ready for this explosion? Do you think that you are ready to handle the photographic goodness that is about to unfold? What’s that? You say you are? Well, then, let me tell you a little story about someone that we in the FunCenter – and quite possibly other people call her this too, but I only care about FunCenter – Catalina!

Man oh man oh man! Catalina came to FunCenter at some point in our not-so-distant past, well, let’s make that Catalia graced the FunCenter with her presence at some point in our not-so-distant past, and are we thankful that we did. You see, in the time leading up to our superwonderful time with her, we – the collective people of FunCenter – were wondering if our future was going to be filled with sunshine, roses, good times, love, and photographic sweetness, or…(there always seems to be a dreaded ‘or’, doesn’t there?) if it was going to be filled with clouds, dried up old flowers, long and arduous times, and general malaise.

Right at that very moment of ponderance (again, not sure if it’s a word, but I know that my intrepid proofer Brittany shall correct me if it is not), right then when we needed it most, none other than Catalina walked into the FunCenter…(wait for it) and into our hearts! She filled this joint up to the rafters with nothing but sweet sweet love and happiness, and our hearts were at ease because we knew that our future would be the one of sunshine and rainbows, and not that other, much more bleak one, that we won’t even mention any more.

Folks, I think that I have gone on much too long, and we need to get to the part that makes all of us oh so happy…no…not the part where I tell you all about my love of cats…nope…the part when we get to the happy samplesnaps! So, I invite you all now to sit back, relax…whoa..wait one second! I almost forgot about the part when we give ManyThanks & MuchLove to Catalina & her wonderful assistants (you are always welcome in the basement!) for stopping by and giving us a reason to celebrate…and, in case you hadn’t figured it out yet, the celebration is because Catalina is so totally and completely awesome! OK, now, without any further delay – Enjoy!

GABO v.14 :: The Holly Edition!

My friends of blog…I have come back to save you from the reign of Milo, and his feeble attempt at a coup in the land of blog, and what better way to steer the ship back to safety than with a visit from the one and only, the ever-lovely and always bright, shining and sparkly Holly!

Now, I don’t want you to think that she walked into FunCenter of Fun dressed up like some sort of a mirrored ball, I am instead speaking in what I like to call ‘metaphorical’ terms…and that means that I am using what some might call ‘flowery-words’ to describe something, someplace, or somebody. In this case, I am meaning that when Holly walks through the glass doors of love that lead to all things Fun and Center, the studio (remember now, on the weekend it is called ‘Studes’, but we find ourselves at the dreaded Monday once again, and we will have to wait until sunset on Friday ((took a cue from Judaic tradition on that one)) before we can call it this again, so until we find ourselves at that spot, we must resort to Studio or FunCenter…ummmmmmm…yes, now that we have this straight, back to the matter at hand) lights up and a happy feeling fills the room!

Now, I suppose that you are sitting there in your happy little blog homes wondering why it is that this is (does that sentence make any sense whatsoever? It feels Seuss-esque in some way), and the only answer that I can come up with is that Holly is all things wonderful, and she is a total and complete rockstar when it comes to all things FunCenter! We always have wonderful time + 100 whenever she comes here (did you hear that? We have a wonderful time + 100!! That’s Madness!!), and we would like to give her MadProps, MuchLove & ManyThanks for gracing us with her presence once again!

Well, I think we should step away from all these silly words and get to the point of why you all you all you all are here. In case you have forgotten, it’s to see the samplesnaps. So, without any further delay, I present Holly – Enjoy!

GABO v.13 :: The Chris & Rusti Edition!

It’s really too bad that the number 13 has such a bad stigma attached to it. Is it really “unlucky?” And if you attach the word “Friday” to it people think that it’s the end of the world. It was clear that the only way to disperse some of the bad stigma for the thirteenth post of the Great American Blog Off was to pick a truly extraordinary couple for the blog.

It’s not as easy as it sounds.

I couldn’t summon the help of my colleagues, because I knew that they wouldn’t have the slightest idea of how to choose the perfect couple to ward of the evil numbered aura. I sat for days brainstorming, thinking, pondering, wondering, and furling my forehead. I tried doing difficult math equations and reading Einstein’s biography in Swahili to help push my brain to the limits. I traveled the world, speaking with witch doctors, psychics, natives, scholars, priests, and even wood nymphs. Unfortunately, their advice could not help me pick the perfect couple. I came back to the studio, sad and dejected. When I sat down at my desk, I thought that this would seriously be an end to the blog.

Rejoice!

The one and only official robot of Otis & James, Orlace Hanes, had come to the rescue! He had found the perfect couple to “lucky the unluckiness” of the number 13, Chris & Rusti! (He wouldn’t really tell me how he found them. I assume it had to do with nanotechnology, circuits and logic boards. As I’ve said before, we’re simple photographers, we don’t fool with those intricate details). So, we have to thank Chris & Rusti for being so spectacular, so phenomenal, so… un-thirteenish… yeah. That’s all I got.

Enjoy!

GABO v.12 :: The Savanah & Ethan Edition!

Big news for all of you out there in BlogLand! Last night, the Otis & James crew, including extended family, decided to have a royal barbeque at the palace of Queen James. There was magic, merriment, food and drink. The best part, however, was when Kinzo bestowed upon myself and the Old Man a gift. It was skillfully wrapped in a bag with the most ornate of tissue paper and Old Man Otis was so excited to get into it he even wet himself. Finally, we reached into the bag to discover the most delightful of all delights — Milo & Otis on DVD! (I mean, we’re talking a copy for each of us!) So, the Old Man and I grabbed each other by the hand and frolicked off to the nearest television and spent the next 75 minutes watching that cute little kitten and funny little pug go off on their endeavors.

For some of you that may have been a little too much informatiom, but the point of the story is this: I suspect that Savanah and her little brother Ethan often go on endeavors just like Milo & Otis. For those of you that don’t know who Savanah & Ethan are, they are pretty much the most adventurous set of siblings the world has ever seen. I recall the time when I took them for a spin in the SSSOJ [Super Sweet Shuttle of Otis & James]. I let Savanah drive, and we did a couple laps around the moon, but it got crazy when Martians showed up. To make a long story short, Ethan used some sweet laser blaster techniques while Savanah maneuvered to save the Earth another day. Whew! Because after they saved us all, they decided to come get some rock star shots of themeselves recently. Remember, you saw it here first kids — the famous duo: Savanah & Ethan! Enjoy!

GABO v.11 :: The Family Bonebrake Edition!

Can you believe it’s already the eleventh volume of the Great American Blog Off? I mean, things are really flying by. Things are flying by faster than a homerun in baseball, which is also great and American. So, since things are flying so fast, it’s time to pause and thoroughly enjoy this eleventh post. It’ll be quite simple, let’s go into the history books and uncover other “important things numbered with eleven.” (We’re not actually going into the history books– it’s just a figure of speech).

All right, first there were… hmm… not as easy as I thought this would be. Wait! First there were the eleven pipers piping in the Twelve Days of Christmas. I loved that song, especially “five golden rings,” but that’s beside the point. Secondly, there was Apollo 11. If memory serves me right, that was the first crew to land on the moon. Thirdly, Power Rangers Season 11 was Ninja Storm. If anyone thinks that isn’t important in history, you are sadly mistaken. That should sum up everything in history that had 11 numbered things to do with it. However, everyone knows the common rating system of “one to ten,” one being the worst, ten being the best. Example #1, one time someone asked me “how much do you like Team James?” Everyone knows that me and the old man are on Team Otis, so of course I said, “I think they are about a two.” It sounds harsh, but everyone knows Team Otis is about a bajillion times better (bajillion is somewhere after a quadrillion).

Some people though, go above and beyond the scale. Example #2, we asked ourselves “how much do we enjoy the Family Bonebrake?” Well, that number can not be found between the numbers one and ten, therefore we go beyond the scale and say 11! The Bonebrakes were a hoot and a holler to work with (once again, not quite sure what that means). I’ve only had good experiences with Bonebrakes. For those of you that know my past and have visited BlogLand previously, you will know that before I worked here in the World of Blog, I worked in the World of Videos [WoV]. The WoV was reigned over by a lovely King and Queen by the name of Bonebrake, and I was lucky enough to serve in their kingdom for quite sometime. See? Only good experiences. Without further ado, here they are — the Family Bonebrake!

Enjoy!

GABO v.10 :: The Children Reiter Edition & Paper Cups!

To be honest, this blog has nothing to do with paper cups. I was just trying to think of something “Great and American” for the Great American Blog Off. Paper cups work don’t they? I mean… people are always like “thank goodness for those paper cups next to the water cooler, they sure are great!” And they are always saying things like “As American as apple pie? More like as American as paper cups!”

Well, not really. But I hope to start the trend. So, if you could do your part, start using “paper cups” in all of your American conversations —

“I love Independence Day: Fireworks, BBQ, and Paper Cups!”

“George Washington was the first president of the United States of America; he loved his paper cups!”

“Have you been to Washington D.C. lately? The monuments and paper cups are so impressive!”

Start. Seriously. Because if you don’t you won’t be able to use the following phrase–

“Otis and James loves paper cups and the Children Reiter!”

That’s right, it’s true. As a matter of fact, don’t tell anyone, but… Otis and James may like the Reiter kids… more than paper cups. Does that make us un-American? I hope not! But they knew how to shake it up. They knew how to “bring the downtown uptown with a hint of swanky swank!” I actually don’t know what that means, but I’m sure it’s a good explanation of the Reiter kids! But all in all, the best way to explain their swanky swank are the photos, so — Enjoy!

GABO v.9 :: My Declaration & Thana!

Okay, I may be confused, but apparently Old Man Otis declared the blog back to his name!? No. He is sadly confused. Consider the following my “Official Declaration of All Things Blog.”

Ladies and Gentlemen, Blogboys and Blogirls, and the rest of you. (By rest of you I mean elves, centaurs, fairies, witches, wizards, pixies, gremlins, and beasts of all sizes). Come hither! Understand that Old Man Otis has no power here in the WOB [World Of Blog]. His trickery and deceit shall reign over you no more! He has been banished forever, to return no more!

How? BY THE POWER OF MILO AND HIS FRIENDS!

The elves and gremlins have constructed massive VOB [Vehicles of Blog] to transport us in! The centaurs gallop alongside us ready for battle! The faries and pixies fly ready to mystify and distract Old Man Otis. The witches and wizards have wands ready to fend off any of his “Bliggity Blog It’s Baby!” posts. And Beasts of all sizes are ready to venture off into BlogLand to rescue all saddened bloggers, waiting for my return. Together, the WOB is ours again! Hence, I decree that if he is ever seen again, fear not, it is only an illusion, and I have safely allowed the admission.

In the name of all things blog, amen.

Milo
April the Ninteenth, Two-thousand and Seven.

All-righty then. Now that the declaration is over and done with, I present you something of equal magnitude… Thana! After much search for a blog worthy of my return, I finally found her! She has the most glorious of all smiles, the energy of all those energetic, and the ZWAMBLOCKARDIO of all things zwamblockardious. (It’s a term for only the most select of all those on the blog). In closing, I give you these, mere morsels of the true essence that is Thana —

Enjoy!