April 2007 – Page 3 – Otis & James Photography

Lovely Lauren!

What were you doing right before you started reading this blog? Let’s see… I enjoyed a MonsterCookieBlizzard (extra moster cookie), did a cartwheel, talked with Emy (if you don’t know who she is, too bad), studied my Swahili, and then spoke on the phone. It was a good day. I then made a list of how it could have gotten even better. This is what I came up with —

Getting a real lightsaber
Meeting Rachel Bilson
Marrying Rachel Bilson
Finding $20
Winning my own submarine
Drinking a glass of pomegranate iced tea
Baking the perfect muffin
Driving through a car wash
Eating a mini taco

10) Having the chance to write Lauren’s blog post!

Yep, it’s true. We had to hold a lottery over here to see who would get to do it. So I wrote my name down on a piece of paper and threw it into the hat. We were playing it elimination style. Last one out of the hat got to post the pics and write the blog. I stood there sweating… I mean I was excited. The first name out of the hat was Queen James, too bad for her. Next was Kinzo (rumor has it that Old Man Otis peeked into the hat and picked hers on purpose — she wasn’t worthy of Lauren’s blog post) It was down to three: Myself, Roo, and OMO. Oddly enough, I don’t recall anything after that. I woke up groggy in front of a computer just typing this — is that weird?!

All I can be is happy though, because here she is, the Lovely Lauren!

Enjoy!

What? It couldn’t be! Really? The Chapman Clan!

[QOTD :: Question of the Day :: If I was to say that the last three blogs were posted by me, including this one, would you believe me?]

I don’t have the capabilities to change that. Changing things of that sort involves the WoO [World of Otis]. I try not to go there, in WoO… things are different. People wear white hats. People listen to Phish. People drive Nissans. People use the term “oi vey gefilte fish!” I stay in my nook here in BlogLand. Here there are robots to protect me. Here there are Hondas. Here people listen to hellogoodbye. Here we don’t use slang like “oi vey gefilte fish!” Here, people can be themselves. Here we have sunshine dust, endless seasons of the OC, and to top it all off — The Family Chapman!

It’s true. They stop by often. They brighten lives. The Chapman Family can even make one of their own smile — Gabe. And that’s no small feat. The last time they were here we even decided to take their pictographs, to indeed prove that we knew them. It was hard fitting them in, they are very busy you see. But as luck had it, they did swing by, and too short it was (they are pro, seriously). Here’s our proof — the Chapman Clan — Enjoy!

Give it up for Christina & Ryan!

For some reason, I’m going to have all of you out there in cyberspace gather ’round my “Virtual Bonfire.” Why? Because I said so. With that said, we’re going to pretend that it is dark out, we’re located near a forest, and the fire is a blazing. Old Man Otis has his old Toyota Cressida pulled up next to the fire, and is sitting on the hood. Queen James is very busy roasting marshmallows, while at the same time Kinzo scares the local woodland creatures. Roo and Emily Monstah are throwing sticks at each other, and I, (Milo) am chopping wood with my deluxe hatchet axe, with my flannel shirt open to give me the whole “rugged woodsman” effect.

Now the rest of you can pretend you’re doing one of the following —

1) Dancing to Haddaway’s “What is Love” pumping
from the speakers of the Cressida
2) Protecting the woodland creatures from Kinzo
3) Skinny dipping (but that is scandalous and you
probably shouldn’t because if Uncle Otis finds out
you will be banished from the Virtual Bonfire)
4) Skipping stones across a neat little pond
5) Star gazing for constellations, even though you
don’t know ONE SINGLE constellation besides the
Dippers; you should have paid more attention in
science class, right? right?! RIGHT!? Thought so!

or…

6) Hanging out with Christina & Ryan!

Now don’t get too excited, we can’t have all of you around the Virtual Bonfire wanting to hang out with Christina & Ryan. It’s just not fair to them. They can’t help how terrific they are. They can’t help that they just give off an “aura of fun, and an “atmosphere of originality.”

They just do what they do because they were born that way. THEY CAN’T HELP IT.

Here they are for all to see… Chris and Ry, Ryan and Christina, CHRISTINA and RYAN!

Enjoy!

The Lisa & Sam Blog Slam!

I want to start this off by saying “Children of the Blog come hither!” but that gives me a weird Children of the Corn vibe. Instead I shall say “Men and women of the blog come here!” You want to know why? Well that’s easy! I have officially relocated my battle station down here at the CFATB [Center For All Things Blog]. Isn’t that exciting? I mean seriously… I put a new poster up… the robots brought desk warming gifts… I’m even at an angle… and everyone loves angles!

Okay, I probably have just bored you. For that, I am truly sorry. There is only one way I know to liven back up your blog time —

Lisa & Sam!

That’s right! We had them helicoptered in from an undisclosed location (rumor has it somewhere near the River Nile) just to brighten the blog! Some of you may want to question me on this, but I never lie… ever. They landed on the roof over here at the Temple Court building, crawled through some duct work and bam! they were in the studio. Lisa showed Sam how easy it was to tear it up inside, and Sam showed Lisa how to shake it up outside.

A smart match? I think so. So, without further ado, I present the tearers (is that a word?) and the shakers themselves — Lisa & Sam! Enjoy!

Whoa! It’s the Family Watts!

[WARNING! The usually corny & bad Milo blog opener ensues!]

Watts up? The Family Watts is! (Gee golly gosh that is funny! That wasn’t HILarious, it was MOUNTAINarious!)

Okay I’m done.

But hey! The Family Watts really did come over to the FunCenter, and we even got to go outside for some ph-ph-photos! This family of five came to impress, and as you can probably tell from below :: they succeded. I’d dare to say we had what some call “a darn good time.”

I imagine if we sent them into space, I could say things like “the Family Watts is cosmically cool!” But since they weren’t in space, I’ll just say they were “earth-bound cool” and wait until they book another appointment. By then hopefully I’ll have the SSSOJ [Super Sweet Shuttle of Otis & James] back up and running. (The last time it was used I let Kinzo drive and she got a tish too close to a solar flare and I had to cover the whole shuttle in aloe vera, but that’s beside the point). In the mean time, please have a look at the snaps of the Family Watts here on Earth.

Enjoy!

Blocks, Swords… and Carter!

I’m sure all of you out there know Carter, because he does it all. For those of you hermits out there in the WOB [World of Blog] that don’t however, here’s a little overview.

Carter —

— builds entire cities with nothing but blocks.
— can substitue pitch for the World Series.
— protects entire kingdoms with his trusty sword.
— is able to recite every lyric to the Curious George soundtrack.
— has the dance moves of a professional.
— shows even the FunCenter a fun time!

How do I know this? Because I experienced it first hand! And trust me, I can’t even do the things that are listed above, I’ve even tried. When I tried building a city with blocks, no one would move in because it looked like a shabby Jenga tower. When I hopped out of the stands to pitch at the World Series, I was tackled by security guards for some reason. When I tried to protect a kingdom from the enemy, the knights laughed at my battery powered lightsaber. When I tried to sing along with the Curious George soundtrack, everyone covered their ears. When I dance, people boo and throw food at me. Then there was the time I tried to show the FunCenter a fun time. I guess Parcheesi, finger food, and the Godfather Part III are no longer classified under “good times.”

But Carter knows how to do it all, and I was lucky to see it for myself. Thank you Carter and Mom for stopping by and hanging out with us, it really was a blast! Enough of me, here’s Carter! Enjoy!

The SuperSweeet Savannah Edition!

[Random Thought of the Day :: Am I the only one with the “My Heart Will Go On Remix” stuck in his head? DIDN’T THINK SO BLOGBOYS & BLOGIRLS]

I hate to say it, but it’s true, our time with ’07 seniors is almost up. Word has it that when seniors come this summer, they will be referred to as “2008 seniors,” and not “2007 seniors.” Now don’t ask me why, because I don’t know… it’s as if they graduate in a different year or something.

Crazy.

Luckily, the Fates (they are the three women that determine destiny, but maybe that’s only in Disney’s Hercules… hmm…) gave us the opportunity to work with the exceptionally delightful ’07 senior Savannah! This is a big deal… there’s not many left! Savannah could be considered the “endangered species” of Otis & James. Savannah reminded us how well ’07 seniors could first build it up, shake it up, and then break it down.

Did I mention in the process we actually caught her on camera doing all of this? You probably don’t believe me. You’re probably standing up, grabbing your monitor on either side, lifting it over you head and yelling out “I DON’T BELIEVE YOU MR. MILO! STOP SPEAKING LIES! BACK TO THE DEPTHS YOU DEVILISH FIEND, YOU SHALL NOT PULL THE WOOL OVER MY EYES TODAY!” But please, set the monitor down. The only wool I’ll be pulling over your eyes is the sweater I’m knitting for you as you read this. If you’ve cooled off from your disbelief, scroll down as I present you with Savannah’s evident excellence, because seeing is believing.

Enjoy!

The Gypsy Andrea High-Five Edition!

So, I’m sitting here at the CFATB [Center For All Things Blog], sipping a delicious latte when sirens start going off. “Sirens?” you may ask? Well, whenever sirens go off that means a blog of EPIC PROPORTIONS needs to get started. I immediately ran to my battle station to get the update from headquarters. (Headquarters isn’t located @ the CFATB; they are a sub-section of Area 51, but I’ve already said too much).

It turns out that a certain senior by the name of “Gypsy Andrea” had photographs taken by the one and only Otis & James, and the blog of hers was in desperate need of going up to show the world this amazingness that would turn fish into flames. Four cartwheels and a handspring later I was hard at work on Andrea’s blog post. I was on paragraph 43 when I heard a scream. The only thing I had to defend myself with was a bottle of Windex, so I set it to STREAM and made my way toward the door. I opened the door and there was Old Man Otis, unconscious on the red couch. A ninja appeared and threw a five point ninja star in my direction. I did a front flip, dodged the star, triggered three swift shots of Windex in his direction and did an uppercut finisher (from Mortal Kombat for SNES) and the ninja was subdued.

It turns out that he wasn’t actually a ninja.

He was a delivery man dressed as a ninja, who was handing out birthday invitations in the shape of a five point ninja star. He was actually let in by Roo, and the scream only came from Old Man Otis because he is deathly afraid of ninjas and is prone to fainting.

My bad.

By the time the medics arrived to flush out the Windexed eyes of the delivery man, Old Man Otis had given me a stern talking to, and as punishment made me erase the previous 42 paragraphs of Andrea’s blog post and start over. I didn’t really want to start over, so this is what’s left of her blog post, most of which doesn’t make sense without the previous 42 paragraphs, but here it goes — PARAGRAPH 43!

Andrea hopped back into the Astro Van. As she made her way out of the mouth of the volcano, she hugged her Tickle Me Elmo and thanked goodness she was still alive. She looked over her shoulder and whispered, “If it wasn’t for you, Martin P. Lexter, I wouldn’t have been able to make it.” An overwhelming sense of remorse came over her as she headed westward with the vial of Gypsy tears she had been sent to retrieve. Minutes passed as she got her whits back together — “I’ll find you!” she cried out. “I’ll find you if it takes every ounce of energy I have… if it takes every cent I’ve got… if it takes every poodle I’ve kissed and every man I’ve loved… I WILL FIND YOU.”

The End.

I’ll leave you to try to figure out what the first 42 paragraphs were about. All I have now is paragraph 43 and these pictures of her endeavor to share with you. Now go out, high-five, and Enjoy!

Sweet Sweet Teegan!

And so, another day goes by. Sweetness ensues, Diet Cokes are consumed, jollification occurs, and alas, a baby walks into the studio looking dapper as evah (we here at O&J prefer to replace “er” with “ah” – ex. “supah-dupah”, “whatevah”, and “wondahful”). Entah…Teegan!

Dapper is an understatement, really; he was more like snappy, or spiffy – even “supah-fly”, if you will.

Without further delay

[delay]

[slight hesitation]

[another delay]

[whoops]

[I know what you’re thinking…did I just read a few seconds ago that Teegan actually walked into the studio? By himself?]

[Yes]

[Enjoy!]

The Crime Rate & Stacy Love Bonanza!

Bling bling bling and blog blog blog! Milo is back bloggerites! And how better to announce my return then with a Crime Rate in Iowa Bliggity Blog! We over here at the FunCenter were twiddling our thumbs (that means we were working VERY hard) when we thought to ourselves “how could we liven up this overcast afternoon of gloom & doom?” So, one thing lead to another, and before we knew it… the men… the legends… the ultimate power group that is known as CRIME RATE IN IOWA was upon our door step.

If Crime Rate was The Power Rangers, they would have used Megazord to kick some major monster… butt. They showed us the meaning of words like “ohmygoodnessrockmysocksoff, puttingthedreamindreamcathcher, and tearingituplikeits1992.” Crime Rate was the icing on a delicious bundt cake… they were the radiator on an engine (meaning steamy) and the snap! in the phrase “snap! crackle! pop!”

I have chosen three words to describe each member —

Kevin = cellular, whippersnapper, funk

Kody = bang, floor, sweater

Corey = whoa, neat-o, neon

Cody = fire, concrete, fish

Isaac = pretty, nerd, shwazaam

Stacy = bloop, oops, cup

But I have to go now, so grab some po’corn, a close friend, and some blankets and snoogle up with Crime Rate in Iowa.

Enjoy!